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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category


Remembering Manfredo

February 20th, 2011 by John P. Schumake

Excerpts from ‘Remembering Manfredo’ by John P. Schumake
I came into my twenty-first year like a mind-bleached android, the tool shed of my mind looted of all the tools I had acquired to enter into life. With the sort of bravery that comes with absolutely not caring about anything but bare-bones survival I met people, people who seemed to care, for lack of a better phrase, for my survival…
There are people who have a strange and gifted quality of being able to perceive, no… to know and even interact with the people we are… tomorrow, in some far distant future, and they do it with an ease and camaraderie that places us into a unique and inalterable place and time. People are time travel devices…
…I now open the doors of my tool shed and see arcane tools, strange implements that I myself have fashioned out of need and memory. They serve unique purposes in all of the tiny aspects of hacking out my survival in an overgrown and dangerous place…
…Some I had to wrestle from the hands of an auspicious traveler, a visitor into the solitary camp, a jovial, challenging or austere migratory creature…

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (2)


Percy Was Brilliant, But Mary Is Relevant

February 6th, 2011 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from ‘Percy Was Brilliant, But Mary Is Relevant’
As marvelous as it was that the day came when we had our first Catholic President, and later, our first Black President, two very gifted men, (and in between their times we had our first president who smoked pot but didn’t inhale, and our first president who fought with a killer rabbit) the day will surely come when we will have our first woman president, and, if we are at once as a voting people perspicacious and fortunate she will have some…
This will all happen if time and change (forgive the redundancy) happen in a sort of plodding arithmetically sequential way…
…It is likely that we may have our first non-humanly conceived president, and perhaps even a non-human president before some of the other possibilities…
…I don’t know that the framers of the Constitution and the authors of the early American historical documents were so wise as to indicate that a President had to be human…
…Let’s suppose that the machine of man’s alleged design, whether it’s biological or mechanical, is able to quickly perform tasks, engage in discussions, quip, tell jokes, respond in a manner that appears to be emotional, will we believe that It is human?

Posted in Humor, Religion, Social Issues | Comments (4)


He Had A Very Norman Leer

January 30th, 2011 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from “He Had A Very Norman Lear”
As a little child I had an unusually bad experience once when some neighborhood children surrounded me, and clubbed me over the head with their toy rifles. …
I’m not completely certain that prejudice was at the root of this, but my older sister had been referred to by some members of this same group as a dirty Jew…

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (1)


Perhaps They Have Been Poking Smot?

January 16th, 2011 by Juan Zapatero

Within minutes of the shootings in Tucson, Congressmen and Senators were making ridiculous statements, not unlike those that people will make when they are smoking pot. Generally, the statements were either calls for limiting free speech or arresting armed people who were anywhere near important people. Some outcries called for the arming of Congressmen, so […]

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (0)


Ice On the Ruler

December 26th, 2010 by John P. Schumake

Excerpts from “Ice on the Ruler” by John P. Schumake
I used to believe that government would provide the answers for the disenfranchised, the uneducated, the people who had little or no hopes for the future, the people who can’t read a ruler and are perhaps doomed to sleep in cardboard boxes…
…I used to work in dangerous neighborhoods. I worked where you had to start real early and get out of there before people woke up. …
…Most of the scenarios were pretty similar. I remember one in particular: the gangways were filled with urine, sleeping alcoholics and human feces…
…caricaturing what they looked like snarfing around the bed of my truck…
… Educational systems need to learn to partner with sleek and efficient industries if they are to survive. …
…witnessed and experienced that it takes industry and individuals to shake up the huge, weighty, heavy-plated beast that actually thinks it can survive the freezing, the occasional cracking under-foot of glassy ice…

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Shareholder’s Meeting

December 4th, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from Shareholder’s Meeting by Juan Zapatero

My thoughts go immediately back to Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life in that famous scene where he is confronting the angry shareholders, “I don’t have all of your money right here in this building, why, why Tom, that’s your money in Bert’s House, and Ernie, That’s your money in Iran’s Nuclear Reactor, Don’t ya see?…”

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Absorbed By Ironies

November 21st, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from ‘Absorbed by Ironies’ by Juan Zapatero.
Cisco is a bricks and mortar business. That’s really okay. I mean come on earthlings… …fellow earthlings, don’t we all remember the big DBeing that I was not originally from this planet, there are certain happenstances that really stand out to me that really might not stand out to a Native. otNet Bubble bursting at the beginning of the decade, when all of the companies that had no bricks, no mortar, no brick layers…
…Well, speaking as someone who has had to work with switches, the pleasure of working with Cisco switches in a Cisco Network, using the Cisco Network assistant, with the reliability of the Cisco device, coupled with the reliability of their tech support (whom you will almost never need) compared to the frustration of working with some of the other knock-offs out there …
…President Obama was against Free-trade agreements during the Presidential debate with John McCain. Yet he was really put out that the South Koreans would not yield to what is essentially a Free-trade agreement. ..
…After the Civil War had ended there was still a great deal of concern that Intrigues and plots were afoot. Mary Lincoln warned her husband that he must be careful about going out, because of ‘the enemy.’
Lincoln chastised his wife for referring to anyone as ‘the enemy’…
yet When Obama referred to the Republicans, and, I suppose, the libertarians as, ‘the enemy’

Posted in History, Humor, Social Issues | Comments (1)


Happy Halloween: the Diabolical lives on in Washington D.C.

October 31st, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from ‘Happy Halloween: the Diabolical Lives on In Washington D.C.’ by Juan Zapatero
…Many people have taken note of the President’s appearance lately on shows like John Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, and the View.
…So what, Mr. President do you have left in that bag of tricks? There’s certainly no money left…

…I had a conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago wherein he brought up the notion that the entire 2nd Gulf War was pretty much engineered for the financial benefit of Halliburton…
…Jim Lehrer interviewed chief weapons inspector, David Kaye…
… that the Soviet Union, after it’s dissolution was in a state that was a little scary for the U.S. because no one knew what would happen to the huge Soviet nuclear arsenal…
…thusly having chosen the health and safety of the arctic fox over the lives of American G.I.’s…

Posted in History, Humor, Social Issues | Comments (1)