Conservator Google Feed

Add to Google Reader or Homepage


RSS feedburner feed


Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

The Game where Vampires vs. Martians

October 24th, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from Vampires vs. Martians by Juan Zapatero
…Aficionados of Warcraft would have immediately recognized the serious flaws in the Obama designed Game….
The phase of the game we are in now is the Campaign. Barracula is out on the campaign trail trying to see how many blind followers, easily hypnotized people he can lure, how many necks he can bite before November 2. The numbers are tightening. The still free members of society, the un-bit necks, can still turn the Game around…
…It failed in Russia and the Warsaw Pact nations, the next most highly regulated model. It is now failing in Europe with people in France rioting because daddy government has raised the retirement rate just because the economy can’t endure the current retirement age…

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (0)

The State of the Union

October 17th, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from ‘The State of the Union’ by John P. Schumake

It’s been strongly rumored that Justice Samuel Alito will not be at the Presidents Next State-of The-Union-Address.
…New housing starts are grim, our Federal deficit has topped a trillion dollars for two years in a row, and the tax revenues are just barely scratching the interest on all of the money our government owes…
…Shouldn’t WE -The – People Be Giving the State of The Union Address,
with the President sitting and listening.
Evidently, he does not know the state of the union
…Scratch that, it’s starting to sound like a sort of noir toga party.
…the job numbers are bleak, companies are afraid of the Regulation gone wild in this administration

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (0)

Get Used To IT? God Forbid.

October 10th, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from ‘Get Used To IT? God Forbid.’

There’s probably no question in anyone’s mind what it means to have a jobless recovery. At least the jobless part is readily understandable.
…But why? Wall Street seems to be doing relatively well. So is it, as economists keep saying, that individual companies have tons of cash that they are sitting on, due to the fact that they are afraid of what the new Federal Regulatory Agency and Health Care will mean for them? Is that why they aren’t hiring, or are there other reasons? The Job Report, or rather what has become known as the Obama Jobless Report released last week presented new unexpected disappointing numbers….
…and the huge new Federal Regulatory Commission, with their scary ability to, in essence write their own laws. Okay, they will technically be rules not laws, but the effective difference may not be noticeable…
…like most Federal Organizations on into perpetuity, only finally dying when it has destroyed the host it inhabits from within. Each little minion, regulator, and rule-writer will be like all of those flying monkey’s that the wicked witch of the West had working for her…
…Maybe we should be cooking the chicken here, shipping it over on a transport plane , and they can quickly microwave it. Or we can send the little flying monkeys out with boxes of chicken under their arms…
…According to an October 5thWall Street journal article by Kelly Evans, the new Outlets opened by Yum in China are expected to experience a 5% increase in sales this quarter compared to a much smaller 1% to 2% expected growth in the United States…

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (5)

The Catacombs

September 19th, 2010 by John P. Schumake

As engineers began to peer into the great recorded digital past, they began to make a startling discovery, a discovery that had long been masked because of the thorough expunging of any physical documentation or physical traces of that previous society…
…Traces of this reality appeared scrawled on the insides of code and old digital communications, the identities and allegiances of the authors varying.
…In an ostensible show at freedom, a freedom they (the Liberal elements) would never have equally accorded the traditional Conservative Christian elements of society, they appeared to welcome even more Stringent groups in an attempt to bolster voting blocks and garner support from new groups. ..
…They looked inside of ancient databases of social websites, some of which were still retrievable by resurrecting the great 3-Phi digital interpolator, sort of the Rosetta stone of early digital life and times in the now long receded 21st century…

Posted in Humor, Religion, Social Issues | Comments (2)

Who Are The Pawns?

September 11th, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts From “Who Are The Pawns?”
If one admires the bold avarice of corporate raiders of the 1970’s and 1980’s in their coldly resolute ability to acquire, crush and dismantle corporations ripe for the picking one has to admire the calm, charming even colorful, deadliness that the Obama small business plan unfolds [with] and displays…
…Why is Obama’s plan so brilliant…. mockingly abusive, and diabolical? (Not to mention bloodsucking). It is so because it gains control over businesses by providing them with loans, and it uses their own money to do it, steadily coercing them to spend their money on government plans, government agendas, with a very liberally driven quid-pro-quo for the tax credits…
…The Republicans have soberly responded to the President’s plan by saying,
’Look, Mr. President, stop trying to run the small businesses. Just let them keep the Bush tax cuts they already have, and let them spend their own money how they best see fit.” …
…Very clever, artful, a dessert chameleon disguising his own plan as Republican-esque, he only lies in wait to strike at a stray unwary Republican, positing an almost appealing, seemingly innocuous, but controlling plan in the mind in the same way that the dessert wasp deposits an egg in the brain of the dessert tarantula…. or worse, to capture the young or unschooled voter who knows not the difference between a tax-cut and a tax-credit…
…memo by Jamie Gorelick, Deputy Attorney General during the Clinton years, to Louis Freeh, director of the FBI and several other individuals. The memo was an exhortationfrom the Justice department to Intelligence Gathering Branches in the United States Government which essentially placed walls of separation between branches, and resulted in the curtailing of the sharing of information between agencies…
…He does well, however, to conclude his presidency under the nomenclature of ‘the Bush decade’ for he has done nothing different in the ‘spending department’ other than to do lots more of it than the previous president did. The only thing he has done differently, of course, is to blame the previous president.

Posted in History, Humor, Social Issues | Comments (1)

One More Time

August 29th, 2010 by John P. Schumake

Excerpts from ‘One More Time’ by John P. Schumake
It was an experiment where monkeys, or orangutans were placed in a chair and there was a device built into the chair that simulated the sudden impact of a collision from the rear of a car, and it generally resulted in breaking vertebrae of the orangutans. ..
…There was a court ruling this past Monday by Judge Royce Lambert, U.S. district Court, that will prohibit Federal Grant money for going to use in projects that result in the destruction of a human embryo. ..

Posted in History, Humor, Religion, Social Issues | Comments (0)

Come Close. I Have a Secret to Tell You

August 22nd, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Excerpts from ‘Come Close. I Have a Secret to Tell You’

…’Cat’s outa the bag, Obama’s a Muslim’….
…We all have secrets. Some of them are things that might embarrass us. Some of them are things that we consider essentially private, and though not embarrassing, still, even potentially hurtful to ourselves or others…
…I suggest that the hype created by all of this is really just welcome cover for a deeper darker secret, the squelched secret, of course, which most logical people would come to, that the president may indeed be a vampire, he along with Nancy Legosi, alias Nancy Pelosi…

Posted in Humor, Social Issues | Comments (4)

It Is the Best of Times, It Is the Worst of Times

August 15th, 2010 by Juan Zapatero

Picture a world where, if a thief comes to your place of business an electronic eye locks on him immediately, and a vertex of laser beams focused on his chest becomes immediately visible…
…The element of surprise has been turned around….
…weaponry like auto-responsive clothing that is able to address only the attacker with sharp invisible, yet painful barbs…
…Picture a world where no one tries to be politically correct. In this world everyone is initiated into society by a method practiced since ancient times…
…Picture a world where smaller social institutions, and inter-corporate affiliations, even guilds, if you will, become the defender of those abused by a drug infested gangs, because the large, lumbering government has become a slow and overstuffed dinosaur …

Who will restore hope and order? Thomas Jefferson? Eli Whitney? Andrew Carnegie perhaps, or maybe…
Madame DeFarge.

Posted in Humor, Religion, Social Issues | Comments (0)