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Collective Jargoning

I’m not sure what collective bargaining is for humans, but I do know what it is for aliens.
When we all elected (and I use the term elected very loosely) to come to earth there was little say in the matter amongst us individuals, outside of the fact that we had ostensibly voted in some council members to represent us (which is really just a perpetuated inter-galactic organized crime passed down Strogeristically from Blob boss to Blob boss, and named after Lars Stroger from Jupiter). The term could just as easily have been Daley-itish, after Hrep j8 Daley Mayor of Triton, son of Hrep m& Daley, also mayor of Triton… Well, anyway, we elected an inter-galactic –actually intra solar system – team of members to represent us against the Planet Harvesting management. It’s a SHAME THAT WE TAKE THAT ATTITUDE OF ‘AGAINST’, for that adverse emotional response actually encapsulates the reason why we lost the ability to produce a good inter-stellar, gravitational pull vehicle to move us from planet to planet.

Here’s the real problem for me. I could talk endlessly about the Blob Union’s inability to work with the management to compete against other life forms, and instead they took the same attitude that the vanishing Wisconsin Congressmen are taking today, “Ride a good horse till it drops.” So, here’s the problem for me:

The value of my own personal skills becomes muted. I mean, I have unique abilities that enhance my ability to bargain with any potential employer. For instance, I can read minds pretty well, I’m fluent in eight computer languages and six human languages, three interplanetary languages, and, of course, Martian; I’m certifiable… What I mean is, I have the ability to be certified on several planets regarding a host of their technologies. For example, on earth I am an MCSE, MCPSI, MCNPS, MCPS, and I also am an MIM certified Mason Contractor! I’ll tell you later what those other letters stand for if I have time. On Mars I was a 3FR__ – – -. That’s actually nine certifications in one sleeve, and you know how long a Martian sleeve is.

Here’s my complaint. If I possess all of these skills, plus I am only an animal carnivore, which makes me very marketable in many areas, and non-socially offensive*. – I have never eaten anything with a brain size larger than 36 oz’s. I have come under some criticism for that but, anyway… I have a huge library of thoughts, and I occasionally am blessed with the ability to foresee the future… so, here’s the question, “Why in the heck should I have to subjugate myself to some collective bargaining that essentially equalizes me with some Moron from Venus (that wasn’t sexist, there are four distinct different genders on Venus, just like Mars.) so, back to the question… Why should I have to say, “Okay, I’m equal to Svrejk over there, who can’t read a mind to save his soul, wouldn’t know a computer language if it bit him in the frontal lobe, and doesn’t bathe regularly. And yet, you want to go in and bargain for all of us, me, Svrejk, and those 600,000 idiots from Neptune, all as if we are just one giant bowl of pasta, and we are all going to get the same benefits, and everyone is going to hate us all equally because the idiots from Neptune can’t tie their shoes much less teach (Oh, yes did I mention that they are this Solar System’s teachers for, You guessed it, computer languages, human languages, and intra solar system languages!) No wonder we can’t compete with that amoeba-shaped universe where all of our manufacturing went… But you can’t fire them, no, you can’t fire them with a particle beam. Why? Because we are all under the same solar collective umbrella. And that, moi tovarisch, is collective bargaining.

Copyright by Earnest Publications March 6th, 2011 (Earth datetime)

*Socially non-offensive would have been a better way to say it, but it’s too late, as this was from a speech I gave at an invisible and heretofore unknown gathering.


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